Trapped

I've never really felt so enclosed and limited in my surroundings... you'd think living in a big city with everything at your fingertips, you'd feel free with endless opportunities... maybe that's how I felt when I first stepped foot on campus... when I transitioned into dormitory living and the college life... but I'm so far past that now. Even in my shared apartment, with my own beautiful room, it's not home. I love being surrounded by family and the constant flow of visitors at my home in Lancaster. And the thrill I get from every email Millersville sends me, makes me that much more excited... Excited to transition again. Excited to receive a hopefully 'accepted' college letter in the mail... excited to have a car again.. and a life and a familiarity with my surroundings. And of course my kitties :) I love keeping the family home clean, I feel like it's my duty. Here, everything becomes a constant competition.

I still have dreams... dreams of travel to far away places and fresh experiences, but I don't want to experience it alone. I know I'll get there someday and that's all that matters.

I'm all ready ready for Fall 2011...

Dandelion Wine

A 5 day week of classes and homework, living in a dirty city, with roommates, secluded in my bedroom of paradise away from friends, family, and my lover always seems like the longest week of my life… 

I live for Fridays. Period. I don’t really care what I’m doing over the weekend as long as I’m with the ones I love, whether it’s concerts, first birthday parties in the ghetto, partying with neighbors aged 24 - 55, or creating a surprisingly incredible viola and guitar duet for ‘Dandelion Wine’.

But this week, I’m cutting it short. 3 day week, it’s about time. We’re entering the 5th week of classes and I have yet to skip a single one; knowing me, that’s a record. So I’m convincing myself that I deserve it.. and with that time I’m going to surround myself with a group of 19-21 year old boys for 2 days at Dewey Beach. A constant 48 hour period. What am I doing? Great question. The things I do and sacrifice to spend time with D. I’m also convincing myself that I’m a GREAT girlfriend…

Cheers… from one crazy weekend to the next, it’s how we survive.

A few reasons why I love H&M...

This past weekend was a lovely little weekend in NYC with my father, sister, and favorite boy :) What was the motivation of this trip, you ask? Well, quite frankly, contribution to my living expenses from my very, very generous grandparents. I am so thankful for their help...
      We arrived Friday evening and socialized with some wine while we were nearly fast asleep at the table. The next day we left around mid-day and ate lunch in Bryant Park and then walked around Times Square, we had a very productive shopping trip in H&M, most definitely one of my favorite stores. Next, we took the subway to the Natural History Museum to find out about 'the end of the world' exhibit, too bad it was called "Race to the end of the Earth", nothing to do with the end of the world, oh my dad and his naivety haha. I was completely worn out by the time we got to the African mammals... struggling to keep on my feet. Afterwards, we took a stroll in Central Park and finally headed back to Prospect Park SW for a wonderful spaghetti dinner which Darry & I contributed to quite a lot.
     We had to wake up early to attend the Brooklyn Tabernacle Church and Choir. That was exciting, I had never been there before and it was an interesting time. We were all more than ready to head home.. from one city to the next.. new york to philadelphia to lancaster in the near future... constantly moving from one place to the next.
     Anyway, the moral of this post is that H&M is a wonderful place to make new purchases :) considering I had no time to try anything on in NY, I was able to visit center city last night with my roommates to go on a little shopping spree, I exchanged some sizes and got a few more things :) It was another fun and productive trip... here are some of my new purchases:

$24.95 - Wool Shortened Pencil Skirt

$14.95 - Flowing, soft tunic

$24.95 (Buy one, get one free)
Shirt Dress Tunic

Resolving Issues

Every day it seems that there is a new 'problem', a new issue or something that needs fixed. Whether it be apartment related, school related, relationship related, future related, etc... but I'm finally starting to feel like all the stress from the brokenness is wearing off and everything is coming together. Cold water turned hot, no internet/cable becoming accessible, closet bar being reattached, leaking toilet finally replaced, leaking shower through the first floor ceiling = fixed, and that's just the apartment, whew.

Financial situations becoming clear and provided for, plans for next year becoming concrete, knowing what I need to do and how to do it, creating peace. What a foreign word to me... peace. Such a solid, releasing feeling. Excitement and joy. Happiness. I'm glad that I have finally reached that point, the point  of feeling secure and routined and planned and reliant and sure. Thankful :)

I'm here all ready?

It's incredible that I'm back in this Philadelphian bubble, how did the summer go so quickly... it's hard to think how much you take for granted when you're in your comfort zone, your home, surrounded by the people you love the most... without much responsibility or care in the world.

Now I'm here. Not in a dorm, not in dear old White Hall but on my own block, 19th and Diamond, 5 blocks from the site of campus in the heart of North Philly. What did I get myself into? Yes, I'm in love with my room and I'm happy with our second floor home and the familiar faces of my roommates but what I've come to realize is.. not just a part of my life is missing, a HUGE part.. I don't even know what to do with myself after classes anymore.. I've realized how much more of a loner I am, how much more I'm on my own... there's always pros and cons. I like being alone for the most part, thank God. But I do get lonely, I miss my boyfriend being right by my side.

Monday.. new classes began. Not til 1 o' clock!!! I wasn't aware of that but I was thankful. This is what my day consisted of: wake up. eat breakfast. take shower. get ready. turn everything off. lock bedroom door. lock apartment door. lock building door. lock front building door. um yeah. 4 freaking doors to lock behind me, that's not gonna get old or anything. then I walk 5 blocks to campus, then another few blocks to class. History. Hour break. Mosaic I. Go home. And unlock all 4 doors and lock them behind me. whew. Not to mention all this under the city sun, sweating my butt off.
Evening = not knowing what to do considering comcast had an 'outage' in the area. great.

Tuesday.. class at 11 until 330... on a normal day. no breaks. yay for 3-hour studio drawing classes.
luckily I had a friend drive me through the ghetto to the nearest fedex station to pick up my psychology book which wasn't even the right book. also great.

Wednesday.. same classes as monday... then with an added bonus of an hour break after mosaic then my psychology night class for 2 1/2 hourssssss. only once a week. so quite a long day today.. i'm just glad to be back in my lovely, wonderful bed typing away.

that's how it's been going so far... plus missing my favorite person alive to death, oxymoron. & goodnight.

Lady of Shalott

What a poem. Descriptive and intense. How much I wish to relate...
from the analysis.. the Lady is tired of looking at life only as a reflection. That's how I seem to feel, nothing is really my own, just the same as everyone else's... and I want to be me and remember who I was.


Also, in the Greek myth, Penelope, the wife of Ulysses, avoided men who wanted to court her while her husband was away by constantly weaving, but then unravelling her work at night so that she would never be done. This is an appropriate allusion because both Penelope and the Lady of Shalott use their craft as a substitute for human involvement. Strangely, the Lady does not know why she has to avoid direct interaction, nor does she seem to care.


Human involvement and direct interaction. Here comes the artwork... that will take up my time.. and never be finished ;)

Summer

For the past 2 months or so my summer has been that of a younger me... without work, without any sort of responsibility besides babysitting and cleaning and working on things for my own satisfaction..

My morning consists of sleeping in, waking up, getting on the computer, finally getting out of bed, eating some kind of breakfast (usually cereal), then turning on the tv and watching none other than yes, Spongebob Squarepants. And after a little bit of the tube... I finally go get some things done, whether it's painting furniture, cleaning the house, packing, or spending time with D (on a short work day for him of course).

Eventually it's lunch time, a late lunch that is since my day began around 10 or 11. My lunch usually consists of a Katie Wolf turkey sandwich with chips, water with ice, and that's about it. Never gets old. After that some time I finally shower, get clean and attempt to look acceptable to go out of the house. Then my evenings are usually spent with my lover whether we're playing tennis, watching shark week, relaxing, sippin on drinks, taking a walk, babysitting together, etc.

And that's been the majority of my summer. Relaxation and laziness at its finest. Besides the fact that I've barely made a cent this summer, I'm pretty ok with it. I don't need much. College expenses have been good to me, tuition at least. And I've factored that with my apartment and groceries, it's the same amount of money as the dorms and meal plan last year... so after my parents deal with this year. I'm making it easy to the extreme for them next year. They deserve that. Millersville... cheapo. Living at home? cheapest. There's no breaking the bank there. Although I will need a car... and I deserve that haa. Maybe there will be a car with a cd player, air conditioning, and no ghetto looking side doors in my future.. just maybe. And I figure once I live at home, I will acquire a stable, better job where I can attempt to save every drop of money I get. For the rest of my life that is...

There's my plan that I've conjured up throughout my seemingly-worthless summer days...
A few more years of dependence until I break free for real, no matter where that may be.