Eat. Pray. Love.

      Simple, simple words with so much meaning behind them. Yes, I went to see the film with my girlfriends and yea, of course, I knew I would be inspired. The sites and smells of Rome, the serenity and peace of India, and the adventure and romance of Bali. What a wonderful journey, someone else's journey. Although, one day, I hope those places become a part of mine, for now it made me focus on my own present journey... and that is taking me back to Philadelphia at the heart of north philly... home sweet 19th and diamond. 
      The return of school couldn't come at a better time I suppose.. for awhile I was dreading it with my entire being, but now I'm seeing it in a whole new light. I'm ready for a change of place, a change of pace, a change of people, a change of surroundings, a change of home... I'm ready for a routine, for focusing on what's important. I'm so sick of the drama of the summer, the drama that my so-called friends conjure up. I'm so done with high school, I'm so done with the attitudes of that age, of that scene. Why can't people let it go? 
       I've finally learned to stand up for myself and tell people like it is. And it's about time... I was half-depressed last semester because I couldn't let myself out or express myself to my roommate. But everything is going to change this year, it already has. I know what I'm aiming for this year and what I'm aiming for next year, I know who I want to be, not necessarily 'what' I want to be. And that's fine. I know who I want to be with me on my journey, the people that are happy to see me happy and the people that I appreciate to have in my life.
        So cheers... to a new year of college in a new home with a new outlook, attitude, and style.


I am blessed.

Clarity

             Somehow everything is always clearer in words... more thought-out, more structured, more to-the-point and almost more convincing. It's been a rough week or so with more hurtles than imagined. Ridiculous, unrealistic situations you could only find in cheesy movies or teenage 'novels' and with more serious and wild emotions you could only truly feel in reality. Conflict and confusion, self-consciousness, pride, desperation, shock... love. Should it be easy to love? If it were why would the real thing be worth it? How do you know that you're truly putting someone else before yourself? It's extremely difficult to not be biased. How do you know how to react, to be the non-condemning friend or show how you selfishly really feel because they want to see how you're effected as well? So overwhelming, every single process, every thought and every question, it's no wonder, as humans, we get overloaded mentally, emotionally, and spiritually when so many uncalled-for bumps pop up along the way.
              The only thing you can be completely sure of is how you, yourself, feel. And for some people, more so than others, being completely sure of yourself is a rarity, especially for me. Being one of the most indecisive and apathetic people I know, it's extraordinary when I feel 100% about something, especially a feeling, or moreover, a person. I have learned a lot throughout my experimental and blessed 19 years of life. Enough to know how I feel and why and how I come to that decision. I completely believe that everything happens for a reason and that if one minor detail was changed, I wouldn't be where I am today. And where I am is where I'm happy, the happiest I have been in my entire life with many people to thank for that.
             I'm going to college because it's what I've always had planned for myself to accomplish, I'm aiming to be an art teacher because of the incredible background and influential moments and people that I've had in my life. I'm experiencing my own apartment in Philadelphia to become more independent and perceive everything in a new and more responsible light. I get to enjoy an extremely laid back summer in a home where I've never felt more comfortable or at home since december where I can relax and have the people that matter in my life join me. I have friends that I feel comfortable sharing how I actually feel and know that they will understand and be there for me, because we've made it this far. As well as a family that still remains under one roof as tough as it may be because of our differences... 
             And last but not least, I have someone who means the world to me. Someone who has taught me what it is to love, to care, and to truly understand someone else. A 16 yr. old girl's crush, that turned into an infatuation, which turned into a fairy tale, which turned into reality, which turned into love. Real love. I have never wanted so much for someone else in my whole life, I believe that many aspects of my personality and my antics have matured over even the past 9 months since reaching college and independence. I'm not a silly high school girl who hurts people because she can anymore, and I haven't been for awhile now. I have learned how to forgive others, as well as myself, because that's really what this life is about. Laying down your pride, knowing you're no better than anyone else, owning up to your flaws. I've been humbled by love through someone I love, deeply love and care about and couldn't imagine losing. I'm satisfied and I'm happy and it's enough. 

Today

Today consists of organizing my art corner in the party room... a much bigger job than one would think. Lots of organizing and cleaning for one little corner but i'm on my way to a neat, organized, colorful space :) it'll be so nice to start using it for its purpose...

sneak peek...

Keys to my new home

I just realized that the only time my blog gets updated is when I am sitting in my dorm room twin-sized bed feeling overwhelmed with emotions or feeling like I have absolutely nothing else to do except blog about my life and make it sound interesting. 


It's been an eventful 3 MONTHS!!!


It's crazy how fast time flies... with only about a month and a half until I return to philly, summer will end sooner than I think :( The good news is that this year, Mere, Danielle, & I have decided to be on our own in our own homeee :) We have acquired a beautiful new apartment on the corner of 19th and Diamond with incredible bay windows and I am in LOVE with my room, I'm so anxious to decorate and move furniture around and have visitors :) I think the responsibility is a necessary step and a necessary experience but after this year.. I may take a different course of action.


Anyways, here are some pictures of my new home sweet home:

the window in my room :)

my closett

One view from my window
Oh the streets of Philly

our bathroom
with double sinks ;)

Our living space/entry to the kitchen

& our miniature kitchen








YAYYY!

The Hardest Part

Some nights my mind doesn't stop. I can't stop it and there's no outlet. Realizing that there's no one else you can turn to... no one close enough. The loneliness devours you whole. It eats at you from the inside. There's no controlling it and there's no escape. You wrap yourself up so tight, no one else can pry themselves in. You get so used to keeping it in, remaining passive, letting it all go by... nothing can affect you. But it does. It eventually all adds up. Piles up within and then you're stuck. A point of no return. Closing yourself up from the world because no one would understand. You're in this place where no one really knows your name and if they do, they don't know you. Even if they pretend to want to. They never will. Stuck in this place where people don't really care. You have no one. In this vast sea of concrete and gravel, noise, endless noise, shamelessness and apathy, you don't even have your privacy, let alone your own time. Constantly surrounded. Endlessly. Continuously taking it in. But not letting it out. The hardest part.

6 weeks away from blissful days..

Hmm. Another evening wasting away in my dorm room, trying to drown out the voice of my roommate skyping her boyfriend... what a typical night. Oh Gavin DeGraw screaming WE BELONG TOGETHERRR.. through my consciously-placed left and right earphone buds... I know we do, I know. "But we still got our hearts on safe, we got our hearts on safe, sometime when you're lonely, someday after all this bliss, somewhere lost in loneliness, i hope you find this gift..." thank you Gavin. It's more difficult to type a thought-out blog post while blasting music straight to my ear drums than I thought.. it's necessary though.. Anyways, since the last post.. Spring Break came and went.. a somewhat relaxing week. 


Then another week of school with some unexpected adventures along the way... who knew I'd be watching numerous Nicholas Sparks-inspired movies one evening then taking the subway to 40th Street and walking a thousand blocks to arrive at Lew Blum Towing Inc. the next day? Well let's just say Friday was an eventful afternoon and a later than normal drive to westchester/lancaster/harrisburg. I got around. I finally got home around 5 pm or so and wasn't home for 10 minutes until I met my dearest Molly to attend Darry Miller & the Veil at the Championship... it was fun evening. 


Saturday I got to catch with some more dear friends, one that I haven't seen in 5 whole months... Britt, Chels, and Heather. Then, I spent the evening with my parents at the Allen Theater in Annville for a nice dinner and movie.. The Young Victoria, which I impatiently had already illegally seen with my best friend, Macintosh. 


Sunday involved some good old tennis playing, that was definitely quite enjoyable with my favorite boy :) i missed that game more than i had expected. hopefully these gorgeous days will consist of more of it. then a late night drive to westchester, then philly.. & back to school we go again.. sglkjdglkdjfgs.


Of course, it was a rainy monday, but it's alright, there's a song for that ;)
So I was also inspired by a friend's blog post about some things she enjoys in life... and I'm going to answer her question.. (some may relate to hers, but ironically i took pictures just this weekend of some of these things) What do you appreciate?


Well I, Katie Wolf, appreciate a lot of little things lately...

Bathing in the sun

& the sunglasses

that are required ;)

and obviously the color maroon,

i know, it's a winter color,

but i'm bringing it to spring.

_____________________

Handwritten notes... 

to say anything at all :)

&

Brand New Sneakers

   _____________________

Daffodils in my still seemingly

new home

 &

My baby luke

_______________________________

My favorite band: 

Darry Miller & the Veil

I'd say I'm their #1 fan ;)

_____________________________________



The bare trees.. 
while they're still around..


&


Singing..






_______________________











Babies make


me smile :)


______________________

Being 
Silly.






_________________________________




s

stretching on my pink yoga mat.
















taking pictures and
making my art projects out of them:)
*hint hint*


&


catching up with old friends that are dear to me...


______________________


and last but not least... 

solitude & silence.

Thinking..

Help, I have done it again.
          I have been here many times before.


Be my friend.
     Hold me,
Wrap me up,
  Unfold me,
I am small,
     and needy,
  Warm me up,
     and Breathe me...


I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe.
__________________________________________


        What are we doing with our lives? How do we plan them out? How do we know what comes next? How do we know what or who's going to stick around forever? How do we become adults and live our own lives on our own for the rest of our life? Our own everything...


What about our dreams? Where we want to go, what we want to see, how does that all tie in? So many questions... but really they are all based on fear. And what kind of life is that?